Friendship in The Four Loves and John 15:12-13

Catherine Porter

I had read Lewis’ The Four Loves a couple years ago, and during this semester began reading through bits and pieces of it once more. I stumbled upon the chapter focusing specifically on the love involved in friendship. In doing so, a particular phrase section stuck out to me: “Friendship is—in a sense not at all derogatory to it—the least natural of loves; the least instinctive, organic, biological, gregarious and necessary” (58). After reading this statement, I had to take a few moments to really digest what Lewis was saying here. While I was initially taken back a bit, I began to understand his reasoning. Lewis does not intend to say that friendship is bad, but simply that it is natural. While our relationships with our family and spouses are bound by a natural connection, friendship is unnatural in the sense that it is a relationship that forms outside of a martial/eros sense, and outside of family connection. As I thought more about this, it reminded me of something recorded in John 15 where Jesus is speaking. He says “My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends”. This gave me a better understanding of why Jesus chose to say a friend verses a family member or spouse. While a friendship is not biological, instinctive, or necessary, Jesus chose to love such people, and in turn asks his followers to lay down their lives for their friends.